No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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