Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
