Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
