I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
