We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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