is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
