if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
