All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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