ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
