i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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