It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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