She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
