When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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