I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My dick has a subreddit
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
