I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize