I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
