and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
