I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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