he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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