addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
