I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize