I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
