Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
