I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
