i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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