I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
