So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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