You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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