Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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