I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
