My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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