I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
