he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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