I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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