Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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