Me too!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
