She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
