Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
