there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Randomize
