With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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