If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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