also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
