hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
