life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
