I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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