Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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