i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
