just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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