just tell him i said nine months
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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