beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize