Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
