yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
MIDGETS
????
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
