I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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