If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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