Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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