OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
