i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
