he wants to bone in the snuggie
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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