The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
