I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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