he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
