The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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