guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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