Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think im going to throw up on grandma
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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