I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
