I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
