best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
