She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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