Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
