he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
