you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize