I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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