Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
